Getting real.

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Things have not been going the greatest with my eating habits. I seem to have become dependent routines of exercise and eating that are too rigid. This rigidness leads to anxiety and holds me back from being free. Another problem I have succumbed to ‘let go’ at night and just eat. It doesn’t feel normal and I always end up feeling guilty. Is it too much? Is it reactive eating? Have I become a binge eater? These are the thoughts I’m left with to ponder. And in the meantime, work on changing routines. Because a life filled with worries is not one I want to live. I just want to have a good relationship with food, arrive at a happy medium. I hate to wallow in my sorrows, so I’m not going to. I’m going to make change.

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14 thoughts on “Getting real.

  1. Oh Laura,
    I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. You know,sometimes – even if we think everything’s fine and it couldn’t go any better – disordered habits sneak their way back into our lives without us even realizing. I think that is exactly what happened to you; it’s sad,but no reason to beat yourself up.
    All that I want you to know is that you have come so,so far – don’t let the disorder get a grip on you again. It’s not too late yet to turn it all around,you’re strong and we all believe in you. Don’t give up,you’re too precious.

  2. Hugs. I hear you, love. I don’t know how to solve the night-eating. I am dealing with chocolate and sweet “binges” each night, which just adds to anxiety even more.
    But like Kat said, you have come so so far and you are stronger than this grip. We all believe in you. You believe in you. We can do this together, hand in hand. <3 love you. thinking of you.

  3. From reading the information placed in the link you provided (all of which were spectacular, thank you!) I would say binge eating is not likely at all. I am in a bit of a “food rut” as well – I pretty much eat the same things with a few variations here and there. I know it can be irritating, but take it as a positive: less worrying about what you’re going to eat. I know that I have a handful of staples that I can go to and then I simply eat. And keep eating!

    I wish there was more I could do or say than just “keep eating, it’ll get better!” since, even if it’s true, it’s not knowing the future that makes us scared. Take it one meal/snack at a time and try, try, try to eat when you’re hungry. Your body will learn to take care of itself again and your hunger / weight will balance out to where it should be. :]

    • Thank-you for your thoughtful comment Daniel! I found that link/site very interesting, the author has an abundance of knowledge about eds.
      You’re right, no point in worrying. I need to listen to my body instead of my head!

  4. I know exactly what you mean. Even after getting control over my ED, when I stick to a rigid diet and exercise routine I still think about food ALL the time. I still give it energy, even if it’s the energy of “i will eat that” or “i won’t eat that.” I guess we’ve got to give it time. I admire you so much for writing about it. I don’t have the courage to just yet.

    • Thank-you sti. I initially put off writing about this, but couldn’t keep it in any longer. I think, for me at least, it’s important to work on transitioning this energy to other things, but that will come with time.

  5. Hi Laura! I can relate to this post so so much. I have been stuck in an exercise and eating routine for a long time now and get very anxious when things get stirred up a bit. I also struggle with eating in the evening. That’s probably when I consume the majority of my calories. I guess it’s best to work on eating as balanced throughout the day as possible and not skipping any meals or snacks. I don’t think it’s binge eating, but rather reactive eating like you said. Unfortunately, I think it’s just going to take a long time of maintaining healthy eating habits to recover from years of disordered eating. Stay positive! :)

  6. hey laura! sorry to hear that youre going through these mental obstacles :(

    glad that you ended with a positive note though! im not very familiar with these situations, so all i can offer is this:

    you are normal, you are strong and you have a great support network! dont let your diet define you! :)

  7. I agree with those articles 100%. BUt I “binge” a lot at night too (like A LOT of calories and I binge on a lot of fruit, dark chocolate EVERY night, nuts, yogurt, crackers, etc…not just a few things :( Would love to chat….please email me anytime!!! (I”m not exercising , so its hard to deal…and I’m 32).

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