I have to eat… a lot.

What’s been happening in my life lately. FOOD. I feel like I’m constantly eating, but i guess that’s how it goes right? I have to do it to get healthy and have my life back. Might as well enjoy it?

I love how happy this baby is with some nutella 🙂

I am somewhat mimicking inpatient, for meals and snacks. 3&3, is this what others have done in recovery/weight gain? I feel like i need some gratification that this is normal, and I should be eating this much, I know its true, but in a weight-loss & low-fat diet focused world, I feel like an alien from another planet. Surprisingly, I am not overly full or stuffed. I guess that is a way of my body telling me it is using the nutrition I put in every couple hours, and that it does in fact need it to survive.

Enough rambling, it’s Christmastime!

I’ve been finishing up shopping, wrapping, baking, and most recently, Elf-watching. Love that movie. The relatives are coming into town today, so it will be a full house for the next few days. They’re actually Jewish, but they like to come up for skiing, since they have the time off, and Hannukah is over. It will be nice to have more people around for the holidays, most years it is just my dad, brother, and I at home.

Random picture i found on weheartit.

I want to be back in Paris, I went last spring break with a school tour group. It was fun, but unfortunately I relapsed while there and it put me back in the hospital. But, I did have a great experience i will never forget. One day I will go back ❤

Another motivation to recover. I do not need anorexia in my life anymore. Ever.

Where do you want to travel to? & What keeps you motivated?


8 thoughts on “I have to eat… a lot.

  1. Hia ‘waves with relief’. Stumbled accross this somehow! I just want to let you know that I am in exactly the same boat as you. I’m jennie btw, gaining weight from a silly low weight bought on by my crappy ED. Just remember that we are in a dangerous place atm, we need to do this but I agree, its soo hard when everyone else is dieting and talking about losing weight and portion sizes and crap..grrr!! Ooh I bet Paris was awesome! I’d love to go to NYC persoanlly. Keeping me motivated is being able to fit half decently into clothes and being able to pick out pretty bras haha. I want to live an amazing life and not have a shadow of worry about what is in every food and be ‘scared’ of such stupid things. Enjoyed reading your blog, take care and keep kicking ED ass 🙂

    • im glad you found my blog too!
      not great that we’re in the same situation, but we can get through it 🙂
      Newyork would be amazing, especially this time of year with all the lights.

  2. Hi Laura, I just wanted to reassure you that eating 3 meals and 3 snacks IS normal – even if you’re not in recovery from an eating disorder! I am in recovery from anorexia and I do this, but I have noticed that my friends who don’t have eating disorders also snack throughout the day as well as eating meals, so don’t let the anorexia tell you that it’s abnormal. It’s what’s right for you at the moment and you’re right, you should try to enjoy it.

    I try to remain motivated by reminding myself of everything I have lost through my eating disorder – my friends, my family’s trust, my hair (I used to have thick, glossy hair but it is rather thin and lank now) etc and how I want more for myself – I want a life with friends, family, interests other than food and weight.

    I love Paris too. Keep it as your goal to go back – maybe put a picture of the Eiffel Tower on your wall or something to remind you of your goal when you are feeling down?

  3. 3&3 is COMPLETELY normal and exactly what I’m doing, too. I completely get what you mean about feeling like an alien…I feel so weird when I open a magazine and read articles about how losing 5 pounds will make you feel better or how to cut portion sizes and slash calories and whatnot. We just have to realize that we have the opposite problem from most people and the rules don’t apply to us. I try to look at it as a gift, like I don’t have to pass up on dessert or choose a salad when what I really want is a peanut butter and jelly or spaghetti or something.

    anywho, I hope you have a lovely holiday. Christmas is quite stressful but in the end it’s just another day, a drop in the bucket. 24 hours that’ll have come and gone before you know it. And so far it sounds like you’ve been having a lot of fun, with the Elf-watching and all. :]


  4. Keep staying strong and enjoy your holidays and family!
    I want to travel everywhere. I have friends all over the world who have worked at a summer camp with me – England, New Zealand, Australia, Ireland, and more, and I would love to visit them and see their countries.

  5. I’m eating like 10 meals a day 😀 A bite, here and there, a bigger bite and stuff like that. And I’m not so low-weight. So don’t worry 😉
    I want to travel…everywhere! But mostly, New Zealand. I would so like to go there, and work and live there..
    anyways, have a merry Christmas!

  6. yep yep. Exactly what I am doing. I feel like I’m eating a lot too most of the time. (sometimes I feel like i’m not eating much at all) its all in the head. It’s pretty normal for people who aren’t in recovery as well.People who eat well, take care of themselves and care about their health typically eat that way without even thinking about it. Enjoy it 🙂 food is goooood

    Hope your doing well

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