Just when my new semester started, and I was starting to enjoy my classes, and starting being more talkative, interacting more with peers. I find out I lost weight. I am pulled from school. I have my life taken away from me, again.
How long am I going to let this negative spiral happen? How am I doing this to myself, for the third time? These are the questions I battle with. My mind a confusion of thoughts. I know low weight, leads to louder, stonger ed. How will I find the willpower to turn this around. Will I ever be able to live my life without the binds of an ed. Live without compulsive excersize, control over food, and be content with myself.
I speak 100% truth in that I want to find happiness. But, I also do not know where to find the courage to get there. To live up to my full potential.
This week I’m stuck at home with all meals and snacks supervised by my dad. I’ve done this before, and it did help, a little. Let’s hope it makes a difference. My dieticien said it herself, ‘it’s all about the weight right now.’ So from here on out, I will give it my all, tackle my fears, and eat.