3.5 pounds

In one week! Oh my goodness my mind is a mess, how could I have gained so much in so little time. It’s scary to think of. If I was at home I would have started restricting/excersizing right away, in fact I wouldn’t have even gained any weight in the first place. Being in an intesive ed progam, I’m forced to continue on with recovery, to keep eating, and eating. I have to come to terms with it, the scale is no longer going to be going down, it’s going up. As I keep gaining weight, I am advancing forward in my life to my true desires.

I remember a time when I was not caught up in my ed, I was free. I may not have had the most confidenc eor self-esteem, but I cared enough about myself to eat. I didn’t have worries or fears over my weight, or about my excersize schedule. I had hopes, dreams, and aspirations that were within my grasp. I am determined to have that back, I will get to that place once again. Once and for all I will say goodbye to ed, forever.

 

{What are your true desires & Who do you aspire to be?}

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11 thoughts on “3.5 pounds

  1. You are so strong, Laura, I know you can do this! Yes, that much weight gain in a week is scary, but trust me, you won’t keep gaining and gaining and gaining out of control. Remember that with every pound you gain, you’re gaining health, you’re gaining your aspirations for life back.

    I also want to one day be free of ED. I don’t think it will be soon, but I’m sick of wasting my life with this stupid disease.

    Keep fighting, I’m thinking of you girl 🙂

  2. Stay strong! I’ve just had to begin my “gaining process” last week…and today I had a total flip out over it in my dietitian’s office, so I know how scary it can be to see those numbers. We both just have to remember that this part of the journey won’t last forever…that soon it will be over and then its back to health and life and all the good stuff the universe has in store (cheesy but TRUE)!
    Mallory xo

  3. Hey dear,
    Don’t worry about the gain. The sooner you get more weight, the better. I know how hard it is to know the number, but most of this is just water weight. And the weight you need will come, and protect you.
    Life without Ed is so beautiful, full of possibilities, happiness and emotions. Ed leaves us thinking how nothing is nice, and everything is hard. It makes us unable to enjoy the things we love, because we don’t have energy. But I promiss you, life without the stupid Ed is wonderful, and as I’m kicking the last reamins of ed within me, I see that beauty revealing itself every day a bit more. And I’m getting happier 🙂
    And so will you. Be strong dear, you can do it, I know you can!

  4. *hug* I know this is difficult right now, but like you said – those dreams outside the ED are so precious. And you will have such wonderful dreams again one day as you heal from this, sweet girl.

  5. You are doing so so well, Laura. You should be very proud of the progress you are making. It’s great to watch! Try not to over think the gain. I know seeing numbers is hard but you are doing the right thing. Stay strong! You will be free once more, I’m sure of it!

    xxx Jessica

  6. You, YOU are beautiful. Knowing that my words helps you means the world to me. I want you to know that. I want you to know that you matter to other people, your voice is important. Your heart and soul is important and precious!

    You are so strong, my friend. I find motivation, hope and strength in you. Through your words you help us realize that recovery is possible. Gaining weight is scary and frightening, but it’s NOT dangerous. It is what we need to do, and in order to do this we must eat.
    Easy and difficult as that.
    Let’s fight to overcome our fears and return to a free and healthy life.

    PS : I am so proud of you for eating pizza and margarine, those are food that causes a lot of anxiety and stress. For you to eat that food is for you to say to ED that It's over, I have a life to live. Even more, I have the right and desire to live that life.
    Keep on fighting, you are a star!

  7. You are an inspiration, truly (:
    The hope, strenghth and determination that I feel from your words is helping me a lot, so, thank you.
    I can imagaine how difficult it must be, but you are worthy of happiness and health…you are in my thoughts xxxx

  8. I’m so so proud of you, you can do this. I am undergoing the same thing, my small gain this week has led me into major freakout mode, the urges to restrict and exercise are immense. But, instead, I’ve chosen to read your inspiring blog and think about who I truly want to be.
    I really want to be the doctor who goes the extra mile, doing everything for her patients, and having an intuition that means she notices something that would perhaps go unnoticed by another person. But before that, I want to be enjoying the sunshine, being a normal 18 year old, I might not have bags of confidence, but it will be more than I have now.
    I’m glad that you can see that you can only achieve without your eating disorder, and I know that you can do it.
    Stay strong xx

  9. Keep on going my love, I know its so frustrating but its just like you said… you want to LIVE! Not just do what you have done, you want to really be free. You can do it!! Life is worth it ❤

  10. Stay strong girl. Keep that motivation in your heart. At times it may seem that eating disorder related things are so important and the end all be all of everything. But deep down inside you know there is more. There is a whole world and your life!

    XO!

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