I am truly enjoying my time here, and although I sometimes dread the thought of waking up to a crying two year old, I am thankful for being here,& having this opportunity. Yet, I have to be honest with myself, and make myself aware of how ed is controlling me (instead of continually brishing it off, and thinking it will magically disapear). Ed is making the food choices; I am calorie counting, and I excersize too much for the state body is in. In reality, I did see this coming, me being in a new place, new people, so much independance and freedom. But an eating disordered life is not the life I want to live. I do not want or need these habits. My body deserves to be nourished properly and I just have not been doing that. So, starting now, not tomorrow, or next week, I will start really gaining weight. Gaining health, empowerment, and life. Cause really, being a bone-rack was never a good look on anyone.
I also realize I may have had some sort of rant like this in the past, and it hasn’t worked, I fell back into the traps of ed. But alas,
“Fall down seven times, stand up eight“
I am immensly greatful for all your love and inspiration, thank-you kindly.