1 month

It’s August 3rd.
I have exactly one month till I move in to my dorm, start university. It’s basically what I have been waiting for my entire life. Okay, not entirely but for a very long time, basically since I entered highschool.
But, why am I not as excited as I should be?Β  Because I know ed is still lurking around in my thoughts, actions, everyday life.
I know that is not the life I want to live, yet haven’t had the courage to fully give it up.
Why am I holding on to something so detrimental.
My health is deteriorating, and I can see it just by looking in the mirror. It scares me enough to make small changes.
The changes don’t stay, I go back to restriction or over-excersize.
Why? I only wish I knew the answer.

Can I turn my life around in a month?


16 thoughts on “1 month

  1. They say it takes 21 days to make a habit and keep it. I’m pretty sure you can make a habit of eating healthy, living healthy, and dealing with anxiety in a healthy way in a month. Go for it!! I believe in you! Do you believe in yourself?

  2. Yes you can. A little bit more belief and you are half way there. I think you can only prepare youself so much before you start uni. It will fall in to place once you are there, so don’t give yourself extra stress about it. Enjoy your last month at home and focus on being healthy!

  3. Neurons that fire together, wire together. Basically you have to associate healthier coping mechanisms and experiences with anxiety rather than food. I’m reading an OCD Workbook from my therapist and you need to find other ways to deal with the anxiety that is caused by whatever triggers you to get upset. Your brain automatically says “Oh, I’m feeling nervous/anxious/scared/upset, I’m going to restrict or overexercise because I know that that will bring comfort.

    I understand it’s hard; I’m working on finding new methods and catching myself when I feel like extra exercising or restricting. If you want it bad enough (and I’m sure you do) I believe you can begin college life ED free. ^_^

  4. You can do anything you want. And yes, you can change in a month. You can change so much that you will hardly recognize yourself. You only need some motivation but I think you already have it. A chance to start your life anew doesn’t come everyday. Take that chance, go to the university full of energy, and make the next few years unforgettable!

  5. I’ve been a lurker on your blog for a long time now and I had to jump in here in response to some of the other comments…

    ED is not a habit and it’s not something you’ll be able to get rid of in a month. But! If you are able to push yourself, challenge yourself, and jump into recovery feet first, you can start moving forward and prove that you’re strong enough to continue working towards recovery AFTER you get to college too. It will probably take a long time to fully be free of ED, but you CAN make a huge difference in a month and get closer to that point.

    • Taylor, You’re right ED isn’t completely habit… There are lots of thoughts and motivation that come with it. Some we don’t even understand why they stick around. I don’t understand why my mind tells me tomorrow you shouldn’t eat, tonight you shouldn’t eat, but it does. These parts of ED haven’t fully gone a way from me, but I keep working on keeping good habits of analyzing the whys and eating good for me anyway. Good habits give me something to fall back on when my thoughts are unhelpful.

      (Another thing that helped when I first breaking from ED is supplements and herbs. A properly nourished brain is always a good first step.)

      Em you can turn your life around and make many steps in being recovered if you have habits. Dealing with the thoughts of ED, anxiety, and depression (maybe I list the wrong thoughts) will be part of recovery. At least that is my belief. And Em, no matter how little success you have (this month) any success at all is wonderful!! With time the little successes will add up. If you have huge success, CHEERS!! All the more reason to be grateful and proud of yourself.

    • No need to just lurk πŸ˜‰
      By no means am I trying to fully recover and rid ed of my life in the short time of 1 month. I am however trying to make as many drastic changes that will stick, so one day full recovery will be posssible.
      Thanks for your support!

  6. Don’t look at it as trying to be good for a month… Take it a day at a time. An hour at a time. One decision at a time. You can do it!

  7. Each day that you know you want to recover is anoter day you are turning your life around. It will take time. There will be set backs and step forwards. And eventually you will beat this. But you are strong in wanting it ❀ Keep at this girl, you can do it.

  8. Hard, of course, but more than possible. College is going to be a wonderful experience, and I know you can do this ❀

    Stay strong!!


  9. Oh lovely *hugs*
    I believe you can do it. I know its so f-ing hard but eventually you will get there.
    And moving into college is what you really want, you going to have the most awesome time of your life and hopefully all of these ED thoughts will just slip away
    Stay strong okay, im here if you ever need to talk πŸ™‚

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