What I’ve Learned…

Being at university has made me come to some realizations I’d like to share, some good some not so good.  I have become more and more in “tune” with myself as the days go by. I can’t explain it that well,but trying to recover my body from its malnourished state of health  while trying to live a normal ‘college life’ is definatley not easy. It’s a constant mind game, and its torture. I know I have to get through this, if I want to stay here, but in reality I am 30 pounds away from a healthy bmi. I have never gained much without ip and am scared out of my mind. I went for my docors check-up only to be sent further into panic mode; I basically have one week to gain or else hospitilizaition is mandatory, even against my will. Is this really happening? Yes this is the truth of anorexia, the reality of this illness is that it can send you to the brink of death. It will strip away all your dreams and leave with you with nothing. Something that once felt like a warm comfort, has actually, in turn taken over your whole existence and left you with nothing.

this is what came out when I went to post, I don’t want to paint a lovely picture that I am having an amazing time. Though there is some positives and I do love being here at uni. I hate being ill, and need to make drastic changes quickly. Before my health deteriorates any further. Fight back with me.

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16 thoughts on “What I’ve Learned…

  1. Recovery is hard. But you already knew did, didn’t you? If it wasn’t hard, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate the rewards of winning the fight. Keep fighting and you won’t regret it. If you have to gain anyway, you can at well enjoy it. Eat whatever you like. Anything you have denied yourself even though you truly wanted it. Some unhealthy food can actually help you become healthy again. Gain those freshman 15! 🙂

  2. Laura,
    You CAN do it. Yes, it is hard. Yes, it hurts to keep fighting, Yes, it is not any of our control. But you will fight back. You are alive at university. There is so much that you write about that you want to see and experience about university. And that fighting, optimistic, spirit of yours will help you in this recovery. But at this moment in time, you have to fight harder than ever. Your strength will keep you going. We are all here for you, we believe in you, and we are fighting right beside you. Promise.

  3. Trust me Laura, I know recovery is incredibly hard. It’s the most difficult challenge I have ever taken on. But you know what? It has been so worth it. I believed for so long that if I gained weight my life would somehow be worse than it already was. But that has not happened and I am fairly positive it’s not going to. Gaining weight does NOT equal unhappiness… remember, quite the opposite is true!

  4. I know recovery is hard but I know that you can do it. It’s hard but it’s worth it. Take it just a little bit at a time. You want to stay at the university. It’s going to be a great experience for you but you have to fight super hard to keep going.

  5. You can do it! I know you can! Recovery is one of the hardest things you’ll ever face, but it’s an obstacle you must go through to get to a healthy mind :] The best suggestion I can give you is to eat calorie dense foods. Enjoy them and don’t deny yourself anything. Keep fighting!

    • Thank-you for all the support! your kind words truly made me smile and give me hope to recover. I’m fighting this illness. Weight gain= getting my life back!

  6. Oh I’m so sorry Laura. 😦 I’ve been in the same situation, I had a week to gain weight and then I was emitted to an inpatient unit. I know how horrible it is. I just want to let you know that I’m rooting for you and really hope you get well.

  7. It is daunting to think of having to do so much. i think it really helps to be able to look at it in the short term, to only focus on interim goals first, and eventually you will get there 🙂

    You can do this!

    Scott

  8. You got me on your team, beautiful.
    I know from experience how hard it is to comine recovery with Uni, or with anything at all. It is not impossible, but it is damn hard and requires a genuine effort. You got what it takes to mobilize such an effort, but you can’t do it alone.
    Do you work with a nutrionist now? Set up a plan for how to eat , you know the drill. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, supper, snack. No, it’s not fun. Yes, it is worth it. It is food. It is energy. And it is what will save your life, your future and your dreams.

    We don’t gain weight and life simply by pushing ourselves to eat new food, such as sandwiches or pasta. We gain by pushing ourselves to eat a h**l of a lot more than our mind is comfortable with in the beginning.

    You can do this Laura.

  9. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts Laura…college is such a beautiful experience; you shouldn’t let ED get in the way of it. I know you can do this if you try hard enough: YOU are in control, and no one else.

    Stay strong!
    xoxo

  10. I am in the same position as you right now it seems. I get weighed weekly and If I don’t gain alot…i’m threatened with hospital…been there before, don’t wanna do it again…i’m all pins and needles that i might not gain…so aggravating…all of it..just lost you know. I relate to you. If you ever want to chat email me at wendy221@hotmail.ca.

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