Random blurb;

I’m burried in textbooks! School is a workload; so much reading, preping,note-taking. As much as I love learning about the quantum mechanics of physics {not}, it can become very stressful when you can’t grasp the concepts fully & complete the homework without googling like mad to get some extra help. I’m finding bio and chem to be very interesting and not too challenging so far, math and physics on the other hand… study buddies to the rescue! & endless reviewing.

I need me some leg-warmers! Seriously though, I can’t find any cute ones.
Also, I should really spend less time shopping.Im trying my best to just jump into recovery mode –eat +2500 cals a day- Why does feeding my body, scare the shit out of me? It’s a natural human right to be able to eat, no one should be deprived. I am sick of being stared & commented at. The holocaust victim never looked good on anyone! My body is in a dangerous state, I need more brain food to be able to think.
i want recovery, i want recovery, i want recovery.
But, unfortunatley it’s not enough to just want something, I have to strive at it full force; time to EAT NOURISH THRIVE!
{end rant}

Β Still lovin’ my oats πŸ™‚

18 thoughts on “Random blurb;

  1. I know exactly what you’re talking about,Laura,I know it so well! I think our situation is very similar… 😦
    It’s so terrible to KNOW about the danger one is in and to KNOW one wants recovery but at the same time feeling so scared about what might happen if doing what would be necessary to CHANGE it…!

    By the way,I need some leg warmers,too… Aaaah,I always buy so many warm stuff in winter!

  2. I feel you πŸ™‚ i don’t think i’ve ever commented on your blog but i struggled with my body image and it damaged my body, my mind, my family and my friends and i have to say without reversing what i was doing.. i wouldn’t be writing this comment right now. i’m so glad i helped myself before it was too late because i could’ve died, and now reflecting on my life, i’ve had so many good moments while not paying attention to how much i ate and when i became obsessed and worried about the amount of food and how much i need to workout.. that’s when i started losing friends. i hope to you all the best and i’m here if you need any help! i was only 14, last year, when i went through this struggle and at the same time my dog passed away and four car accidents occured in my family which in three were severe and somehow i kept A grades. i’ve learned so much about my eating disorder and recovery that now i thank myself everyday for my body that can keep moving and truckin’ through whatever life gives me! when i noticed how dangerously thin i had gotten, i missed my muscles, boobs, thighs, butt, toned & large arms and all of the things i used to hate, and i now appreciate every single part of my body! ❀ just think of what you will be able to do if you let those voices in your head stop.. have children, live longer, workout amazingly!

    • I’m sorry to hear you went through all of that! Sometimes I feel I cannot justify why I have this illness, as I never had any trauma’s or triggering incidents that started it.
      Happy to hear your doing so well!

  3. I know exactly how you feel! I’m being loaded with so much work too. My whole weekend is probably going to be packed with completing assignments. I hope you’re able to find leg-warmers. They look so cute. Too bad I can’t wear them here. We’re still in the triple digits πŸ˜€ I love the oats and I love that you actually want to recover! Keep striving for it. You will get there! :]

  4. if you think you have candida, its very likely you have it if you have the symptoms. its really common but regular doctors don’t see it as a ‘condition.’
    go to a naturopath about it or if you can’t read up things to do to help it. also ask me anything if you have a question!!XOX

    • I have done some reading, and symtoms seem to vary so much from GI issues to headaches. Its really hard to say if I actaully have candida or if I just eat too much squash and fruit!
      I also cannot give up my coffee, and am in the process of regaining, so I dont really see how I could cut so many things out of my diet.

  5. Ahhh, you are such a trooper. Balancing academics with recovery is a HUGE challenge, it takes strength to not let the stress related to studies affect your eating.
    Try to tell yourself that good grades is not what is most important – your life is. Your mind needs the energy from food to try to solve the math and physics. Don’t put yourself down for not understanding, I try to do so myself. Nobody expects us to understand what has so far been unknown to us, ask for help from your fellow students or your professor.

    You are right that our reluctance towards nourishing ourselves is against nature. We , like any other living creature, need food to sustain our lives. It is our right and basic need – our health depends on it. Instead of viewing food as what it truely is – life savers – we view it in terms of calories and set limits for what is acceptable and not. It is rather absurd to decide that 2500 = bad when that is the minimum of what our bodies need. If we had complete blank minds that number, 2500, would mean nothing to us. Why give numbers related to calories so much power?

    You can do this, and you can allways send me a message at FB if you need some supportive words.
    Love you champion!

  6. Yes yes you want recovery. *Inserts cheer-leading cheer in here* Goooo Laura!
    But in all seriousness, like what Hedda said, you are a champion and fighter. Each mouthful at a time. Perhaps today you don’t reach your numbered goal. But in mind you are still freer than before because you are continually striving for recovery. And that makes all the difference ❀

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