I haven’t had someone I’m so close to, that I can talk to about anything, hangout whenever, laugh, and have fun with.
Since before Ed, 4 years ago, I lost my best friend to ed. In fact I lost mostly all my friends. It saddens me to think of all the fun memories I had with them, and how I gave that up to spend 4 years of my life with ed. & I can admit, I’m still with him. After all the torture, I still use ed as my cushion. Yes, I did make friends during ip, that I am immensely grateful for. But I’m in the real world now and need to meet new people.
Relying on ed is no longer the choice I want to make.
I’ve heard that “relationships replace eating disorders”
I believe this could be so true, but how am I supposed to make friends when people glare in shock like they’ve seen a ghost when I walk by. How can I create a good first impression, yet alone a lasting friendship when Ed is still controlling me.
I am fighting back, and I know I have to eat,eat,eat, to gain even the slightest. But it is such a slow process, and its hard not having a group of friends to do it with( like I’m used to during ip). Im not saying I want to go back to that because I need to learn to take control of my life on my own without being forced in such an unrealistic atmosphere that the hospital provides.
I’m trying to reach out more to people, and I am happy to have some people event talk to me, smile as I walk by, but I am lonely. That is my issue, I am lonely. I said it, I’m a loner.
I have my studies to keep me busy, but really that is not enough in life.
I need that balance that I’ve been striving for, yet never reaching, ever since I began my recovery from ed.
Are you lonely, or have had similar struggles with making friends/relationships?
At least I have the blog community to keep me company in the meantime.
Leave a comment, and make me smile 🙂